Office of HRP Edward Jacob Sorin

Email : @Jacobsorin

Arriving soon. I’ll make my own arrangements to your home.

Petunia

Ps. Soon as within forty eight hours. 

HRPIMA @JacobSorin,

I read, and re read your email to me earlier Jacob. Why did I do this you ask? Because I wanted to be sure of what you were asking of me.  Send someone to see over your Annabella while she is away? That has been taken care of and please know I put a lot of consideration into who to send.  I went with Roloff, his Russian agency days should prove useful and accompany her in the day light. You know he speaks very little and I would imagine you preferred this. 

I’m sorry, I must backtrack. Is this woman yours, Jacob? You say you have spent the night with her and are thinking of her well being.  I am not judging you, simply making sure I know of the circumstances so they can  be addressed as need in other areas of your life. Such as the invitation from Iceland’s own Princess Agvar. For the Christmas Ball this year in Sweden. I expect you to instruct me on how to handle this. I imagine that would be a hard invitation to turn down? 

Now onto happier things, more about how much you adore me and enjoy your being spoiled. That fairy had better last you well past Christmas. I will not have you over indulging, not on my watch Jacob! Perhaps on my mother’s but not on mine.  My arthritis is very achey and I must attend a doctor’s appointment soon. As for how my heart fares after hearing the story? It brought back memories of Steffan, how the love of a vampire can be so windy,  unrequited, and leave a wake of disaster. You know this story and I only tell you it as a cautionary tale  because the Prince does not do such things. Well, at least you do not now since your procurement of myself. Interesting, when you think back isn’t it?

I must go now, my tea is cool. My heating pad has been turned off and I missed Jeopardy.  

Petunia

Ps. Do not worry for Roloff’s accommodations. Private car will pick him up and take him to his hotel as instructed Sunday night. I should ask that you speak with him and give your instruction. He’s prepared but I assume you have personal details you’d like to include.  

Computerized Mail For @JacobSorin

Jacob,

I feel as though I am bipolar writing to you. One moment telling you to leave the piggyfaced American girl alone and now the next, telling you that the Prince of Wessex can have anything he soddy well pleases. But this is important for you to know, there is no woman that is too good for you. Now then, why do you feel the need to let his woman stay as a friend? I am just curious is all darling. 

I know by now you have received your box. Did you like it? I do feel sorry for your friend as I have had my heart broken (can you believe that?) before and it’s nothing a bottle of Pinot and a fire stoker can’t fix. (perhaps my temper flared a time or two) Jacob, my credit card account, according to Glenda in accounting, is reflecting a refunded ticket. So, what did happen last night? If you had asked my advice I would have advised against giving such harsh news and such shocking news the same in one night. Were you forced to turn her due to her heart stopping from over stimulation? All kidding aside love, it’s quite the night for you both. I am very curious to know how it turned out. PICK UP THE PHONE JACOB!

I found myself really and truly sick yesterday and took a half day off, please forgive me as no one else can do anything around this bloody place, but it brought back memories of my own. I slept it off and had a late night cuppa and all was well after that. Would you send me a picture of the girl? You know how I like to have a face with my stories. I miss you Jacob, and worry for you.

I intend on coming even still. Do I need to bring anyone, a staff member or the such, with me? A traveling companion or the such? I will do what you prefer as you seem to know best for me in these dear old, dark,  aging days. As for a new wardrobe, well. Since you so adamantly insist. I’d hate to upset you in your time of need right now. I suppose when I come I should bring your documents that are waiting for your seal as the only one we have is on your hand right now. I’ll bring a bar or two of wax, so you may keep one there and send back and forth.  I won’t mention how this would be less complicated if you were in England.

However,  there is something important we must confirm. The next council meeting. It is due by end of November.  Please address this soon,  so I may get the memo out. You know Darius still refuses to use the computer and so he must hand deliver each notification. 

It’s time for my B-12 shot, I must go. But you must know that I will not rest well until I know how things did go last night. Furthermore, you know when I do not rest well how my arthritis acts up.

Yours,

Petuniua

Ps.  I do enjoy your full name, love.

Do you have a question for dear old Petunia?

Do you have a question about HRPIMA Jacob Sorin or {smooths dress} his dear old Petunia? Feel free to ask.

Important Email to @JacobSorin

Jacob,

I fear I let my arthritis speak more than your dearest, beloved, angelic Petunia the other day. While I do not take a word of it back, I recognize how you feel. After a thousand one hundred years Jacob, your intuition is spot on. You aren’t blinkered, that is one of  the  things I count on you for. You haven’t told her for a reason, what is this reason? What doubts has she given you? Listen to that intuition my dearest one, that is all I will say.

About the ticket, I purchased it on my own monies, Jacob and the airline refuses to refund it. Could you place a call to British Airways? I fear my elbow is quite knackered from being on hold so. I should like to have the money back so I could purchase some custom orthotics for my feet. They’ve too become ailed with the arthritis and perhaps a bit of the aging. 

I am still coming to visit unless you expressly say not to. I worry for you and your well being. You don’t seem chipper. Whom will I have to slay for this? Shall I bring a bottle of aged fairy? I think I shall. 

Jacob, please take a picture of yourself and send it soon. I miss your face and these oil paintings hanging about just make me angry. No one ever got your gorgeous face right.  I still say my great granddaughter (Lilly— the one with the talent) could finger paint you better than the ten hanging in the Royal Hall.

Enough of me now, I send my love,

Petunia

@JacobSorin, I will box your ears.

Dearest Jacob,

As you wonder about my arthritis I wonder about your mental health. Quite frankly American women are known for their promiscuity, lack of manners, don’t know a tea spoon from the kitty litter bag,  and speak whats on their mind entirely too often even if it is ill will towards another person or their feelings. How you could “like”  a woman such as this is quite frankly,

HORSES COCK! 

Jacob, your new home is only temporary. Please don’t fall in love with it.  Or ANYTHING ELSE.  In regards to Claire? She should be burned at the stake for being a witch. That woman did not see the last of me as I chased her from the flat with my best frying pan. No she did not. That has yet to come on a dark dreary night on a cobblestone path.

My darling Jacob, why is it that you think the uncouth American woman will never return your feelings? Is she so unsophisticated that she would not appreciate a man with such bloodline and grandiose life? Oh, Jacob it is very hard to be away here, in London,  and not be able to see that handsome face and tell what is the matter with my dear boy. Although, you are far from a boy. I know you did the right thing by saving the boorish American woman and I am  ever so grateful this was not a bond that was strong or thriving. You must do what is right Jacob, and come home.

And if you do not? Yes, well I thought perhaps you might say that.  I have a roundrip ticket and a one way ticket back to London Heathrow. It is dated nine days hence. I will use them Jacob. If I do not see your face before,  please send a car for me at 6pm on the 25th. I do mean what I say and say what I mean Jacob. 

I am sorry things are bustling about in your head, if you were home none of this would be.  I will see you soon Jacob, either way.  I do not think you want me to meet your piggyfaced American girl, so instead I suggest you come home soon. 

My arthritis is causes me to lose sleep, pardon my tongue throughout our correspondence, although I take not one word of it back.

Yours,

Petunia

PS. Royal Pains in the Arses do not frequent vampire bars. Tut tut.

Computerized Mail For @JacobSorin

Dearest Jacob,

For the last sixty seven years, three months, twenty seven days and as I check my watch this moment - forty two minutes, I have attended every wish and whim, which trust me has  not always been a bloody roller coaster. 

And so now, I wonder. After sixty even years, three months, twenty seven days and as I check my watch now, forty three and half minutes, what has made you choose to consort with man whores and vile vampire? 

Disgustedly I write this email Edward Jacob Sorin. After an entire half day out about with your office staff attending different consulate, we have managed to come away with some information. However consulates of Australia were unavailable. (I do think his day people hate London Jacob, such a trespass, can we not prevent them from being here? It’s a disgrace to your RPIMA.) The information in part is blooming disconcerting and further more I was gobsmacked to know that you’re even entertaining either friendship or business with such a being. Enough of my thoughts, but if you wish to know how I feel further on this issue please PICK UP THE PHONE AND USE IT! 

Now then onto facts, I have recently learned how to copy and paste. I shall hope you laughed as hard as I at this rubbish American Royalty concept.

Stan Davis is the current King of Texas, entertaining the title for the last consecutive two years. While his rulership is over the state of Texas in the United States of America, this does not limit his land ownership as it is widespread and throughout many countries. One may surmise his bank accounts are similar.

Speaking of bank accounts. Stan Davis is the owner of several businesses. Some large corps some rather ‘under the blanket’. Interestingly the rumors are that his love life is quite tied to his business. However, rumor was established as fact when Aaron Jeffries was recently released from his position at GPR LLC. This left a quite discontented man (who is extremely educated might I add) and his opened up with frank and candid conversation.

The summary of this conversation is that Stan Davis has kept a woman by the name of Shelly LeBrock in his retinue for sometime now. She is skilled in investigation as well some type of personal security however that is not the limit of this business relationship. Stan Davis procured Shelly and maintained a relationship with her. Sex, gifts and the so on. However, he is now engaged to one Annabella Octavian, and once this engagement was made formal he discontinued all sexual relationships with the woman but that did not discontinue all inappropriate relationships with her. She has been extremely well taken care of, spoiled as some might say and then recently appointed the COO of GPR LLC. This is evident that they are in fact now in contact and will continue to do so. When a back ground was done on this woman it came up …interesting shall we say. See attached document labled 1SB.  Once the discussion pertaining to the hiring of LeBrock and some final venting over the situation had came to a lull, I was able to ask further questions regarding the individual Stan Davis himself. He has a reputation for being quite the ladies man who entertains several girlfriends at once, and I shall quote his former employee: “Man-Whore.” Americans. 

Now then Jacob, do you see? Do you see what you’ve just read? If you’d  like to know what I think CALL ME! Absolutely the horses cock this is, you’ve no reason to be gallivanting around with such, it’s 2011 and this is not safe business behavior. Do not engage Edward Jacob Sorin! 

If that was not enough to get my point across,  I will now do copy pasting again and you can read this, although quite honestly darling, I’ve no blooming idea what this says but I gather it’s not good. 

Date: Oct 4, 2011

To whom it may concern,

The Venezuela representative of the Consulate reports only hearing the name Stan Davis in regards to one subject. A project known as Super V.  This was a super form of V that was scientifically produced and studied by Stan Davis and Annabella Octavian. Stan Davis procured permission to start production in the remote jungles of Venezuala. The Warao Indians have been used as testing subjects for Super V,  with no regulation or permission from any associations, parliaments, regulatory committees or FDA (American). Test subjects are being tested without any option to refuse and without proper communication of what they are doing and the side effects. Test subject is not limited to human men, but women and children. Further probing has shed light on the fact that every employee (only six, with an attending) are under locked and secure silent contracts. These individuals will face death rather than spare details. However, the consulate secretary? No one put this woman under contract. 

I read that passage of information nearly a cow’s time and quite frankly Jacob it means as much as porridge to me. The word children bothered me a bit, but what does it mean love?

Long day it was, long day and I’ve missed my tea today dealing with this. Did I mention my arthritis is acting up? The copy and pasting hurt quite the bit. I should think a week would do me good. I shall take it just as soon as you come home, yes. And I do need it sorely.

With love,

Your Petunia

Email to @JacobSorin.

Your Royal Pain in My Arse,

How am I? Bloody well thank you.  My arthritis is acting up,  I could very well have diverticulitis and the new driver you recently hired is a twat.  

Next time you’ll contact me before a fortnight has passed, won’t you?

Now on to business. You requested a condo and I was able, after bribing which you very well know Edward Jacob Sorin I do not find morally pleasant, to secure the neighboring condo to which you specified. I won’t ask why you need this specific condo and in this specific city in quite a different country as it’s none of my business, but it would do you well to clue me in so I can answer the half stack computerized mail you’ve received since your quite quiet exit which I’m still not entirely sure you took. 

But again, not for here nor there, simply imploring you to clue your dear old Petunia in. Did I mention my arthritis is acting up?

Attached to this computerized mail you will find a copy of the schedule as well as a copy of your information for your room. If you find of it non pleasing, return a message and I will attend the issue immediately. 

You’ve a lot of bottle to email after not calling for a fortnight, use the phone Jacob!

Yours truly, with love,

Petunia Hoppenstoffle

PS. I may need off next week to attend my horrible arthritis in my knees. Which has spread to my elbows.  Don’t worry about me, tut tut. No no, I will be just fine.